Monday, June 28, 2010

Slowly I Turned...Step By Step...

Remember the old skit "slowly I turned, step by step.....".  It was done successfully by a multitude of talent, but the ones that gave it the most life were Abbott and Costello and the Three Stooges.  It was also a skit done by Lucy and Ethel on the old Lucille Ball Show.  None the less, it is right up there with "Who's on First".

Yes, I know I lean towards the drama just a wee bit!  Runs in the family.  My two kids are the same way.  I guess, in a way, we all have a flair for the drama.  However, drama has absolutely nothing to do with this blog entry.  It was just a tricky way to get you to read this far, and now that I have your attention, you might just read on.  So to quote Paul Harvey, "Now for the rest of the story".

I have been married for over 35 years.  I love this amazingly wonderful man that I have shared my life with, more and more each day.  But, he does have his moments, actually, he has about 45 of those moments every morning when he ritually spray starches and irons his dress shirts.  Let me put it to you this way.  He uses almost 5 cans of HEAVY spray starch a week.  We have gone through more irons and ironing board pads than I can count, and pretty much at this point, I'm seriously thinking about buying stock in spray starch.  He has single handedly done his part to help the recession, just with spray starch!

In the good old days, I ironed for him, used little if any spray starch.  I don't like scratchy, stiff fabric.  One day, I caught him re-ironing a shirt that I had already finished.  He got caught with his hands on the spray can! Apparently, though my ironing skills were acceptable, I didn't use enough of that nasty spray starch and he had been a closet ironer for a long time and I didn't know it.  

His sister, who apparently also has the spray starch gene, used to use liquid, non diluted starch straight from the blue plastic bottle.  I begrudgingly bought the liquid concentrate for awhile, but he didn't really like it.  Back to square one and the aerosol stuff and holy cow, Batman, that cape would stand up on its own!

Over the years, I have ruined and re-washed more clothes because of the buildup of the spray starch residue that sneaked into my iron and onto my clothes.  Needless to say, this has always been a sore point!  So, I recently went out and bought my OWN iron and my OWN ironing board.  Don't even think about touching my iron, mister.

On those mornings when he overslept, I would offer to go down and iron a shirt for him, but "noooo".  I didn't do it right!  It's a shirt for crying out loud!  You spray a little starch on it,  your press the wrinkles out of it, you steam down the collar and press a nice crease in the sleeve and you go on with life.  Not at my house, no way, no how, not ever, don't even think about it.  He uses so much spray starch that when we travel, he packs his starched shirts in his suitcase and they come out of the same suitcase with not even a hint of a wrinkle.  Well, I guess in a way, that's impressive.

I tease him a lot and there are worse obsessions in life, but he's mine and I love him, spray starch and all.

Well, it's getting late, and we have to make the trip to Publix to buy the weekly supply of Heavy starch.  You know, it's pretty bad when you buy so much that the clerks at the grocery know him by what he buys.  I bought some one night for him and the cashier said "you know, this is really weird, we have this man that comes in and buys a ton of this stuff every week.  It must really be good stuff if you're buying lots of it too!"
I just let her think it was some miracle cure or something.  Bless his heart.

Hey, do they sell this stuff in 55 gallon drums?

G'nite everyone!