Well, here I am again. I will tell you now, if you've come here
expecting generic, non-spiritual, non-worship related, generic blogs, you're in
the wrong place. I'm a child of a Living God and He goes with me everywhere, and
I share Him anywhere and everywhere. It's been over 10 years since I've taken
time to organize my thoughts and talk to you. A lot has changed. It took me
awhile to grieve, really deeply grieve after losing my daddy several years ago.
After years of being strong and holding things together for everyone, no matter
how hard I tried, I couldn't cry. I think in my mind, it felt like if I allowed
myself to cry, it would mean it was all too real and that I wasn't strong and
that it really was time to move on, and more than anything, that I didn't think
I could stop. Eventually, I did cry, and I did stop, and it was cleansing. I
felt better. I was still strong, and stubborn and an awful lot like him, and
very proud of that. But I also have realized just how much of that strength
comes from my momma. That makes me very proud, and she's still standing her
ground at 93! I'm so very proud of her. Life doesn't stand still. You've heard
the phrase "the best is yet to come"! Well, it did! One very special day in
2016, my husband and I became real honest to goodness grandparents...Nana and
Pappy! That not so little guy calls me Nana Banana, and he's my sweet
Butterbean, and will be for life. One of the things that I always longed for,
was to be a mother, and I always just assumed that my husband and I would go
through pregnancy and all of the wonder that goes with it, but that was not
God's plan for our lives. However, after many years of trying and failed
pregnancies, adoptions that didn't happen, God said "it's time!" and we adopted
our first child. Six years after that, our second. But our first, our spunky
little attitude with pigtails, is the mother of the Butterbean, and one of the
most wonderful gifts I've ever received, was to be with her and hold her hand
and watch as my grandson was born. I have seen so many miracles in my life, from
seeing someone come back from the brink of death, to holding my daddy's hand as
he took his last breath, and being able to hold my daughter's hand and watch as
my grandson took his first breath. I can't explain the multitude of emotions
that I experienced all at once in any of those situations, fear, grief, love,
peace, moreover - an incredibly strong faith. But the constant in all of it was
the overwhelming love. I rejoiced as a friend returned from death to live for
many more months. I grieved my Daddy but celebrated because I knew where he was.
A couple years later, that grieving for him became incredible joy as I watched
my grandson being born. Every single one of those moments, was a miracle, a
gift...from God. But, life doesn't stand still. The next couple of years were
pure joy because, I got to take care of the "bean" whilst the parentals were off
at work. The first year at their house, then as the second and third years, we
made a 20 mile drive 3 to 4 days a week to pick him up half way between, etc. In
the middle of that second year, my husband retired. My favorite picture is his
first official day home asleep in his recliner with the bean stretched out on
his lap, asleep. Going from having no little people in our house to the best
grandson on the face of the earth running up and down the hallway, giggles, food
fights, attitudes, potty training, train rides at the mall, trips to Chuck E
Cheese...it was all absolutely wonderful. I would do it all again in a
heartbeat. I was so sad to see "3" happen, because that meant preschool started
in the fall, but we did get to pick him up for the afternoons! We'd spend them
at the zoo and the park and then go meet his mommy. No, life doesn't stand
still. Since those days, well, my inablility to cry seems to have cured itself,
and now, it just doesn't take much. I cried when we all took the "first" trip
with my daughter and her family to the land of the awesome mouse in
Orlando...because...the bean...saw the famous mouse for the first time live and
person, which inevitably, made his mommy cry which made her mommy cry which made
all of the men just roll their eyes and shake their heads. Half of time at the
"World", the Bean wasn't tall enough to do all of the cool stuff, so Nana
volunteered to not do the cool stuff and got one on one with the Bean, who, was
usually asleep in the stroller. It's quite alright. Nana gets motion sick and
has cranky aches and pains. I'd probably have been in traction for a week if I
had ridden Thunder Mountain Railroad, let alone any of the really wild stuff. I
get green on carousels now. Let me tell you something. Somewhere between 2 and
3, this adorable, rambunctious sweet little boy turned into a daredevil, a wild
child, a thrill seeker. There are pictures of him riding Seven Dwarves Mine
Train with his arms high in the air and a grin on his face. Since that first
starter coaster six years ago, he's added several more notches to his belt, all
of which make his Nana squeamish at just the thought of them. Yet again, life
doesn't stand still. That precious boy was halfway through preschool at a church
based preschool program after the Disney trip...and he loved it...and then...the
world shutdown. We were all sent into a tailspin, believers, nonbelievers, mask
or not to mask, businesses, schools, churches...closed. The world was closed. It
was a time when a lot of people suffered great loss in so many ways. No, life
did not stand still, the world kept spinning, but the doors to everything were
closed, at least for a few months. And then, one day, someone said, let's try
let's just trust and be careful and try. Slowly, life began to get back to some
sort of normal for some people. For so many others, it was just too late. Life
has a beginning, a middle and an ending. Some people walk this earth without
ever knowing their purpose, without ever having any faith in any thing, ANY ONE,
ANY ANY ANY. Some people chase an unknown their whole life not ever knowing
exactly what it is that they are chasing or seeking. I was there. I went through
the actions...often not really understanding the whys or anything about the
destination. I was merely going through the motions, until, one Sunday, in a
little country church, I heard a whisper, just a soft voice "serve my children".
I was startled. I even looked around for the source. Again... It took me a
little while to acknowledge that I had just received a pretty special message
from someone that yes, I truly believed in, but maybe hadn't totally committed
myself to. God had called me to serve. At the time, I really didn't know what to
do, how to respond and I got defensive...I can't. Not now. We have a sick baby.
Timing really bad right now. How, why, what do I do? Serve my children. It took
me a long time to answer that call, but I did. I worked with children, creative
ministries, youth...and then, one day, I didn't, because life doesn't stand
still, and sometimes life offers other challenges and throws roadblocks in our
way. But, for those years, all of those years that my answer was "yes", I grew
spiritually, and I also grew as "me". I began to find myself again and
rediscovered gifts and strengths and abilities that I had hidden for such a long
time. God always has a plan, and the timing is never ours, but always His. I had
dragged my feet for awhile as a less than willing participant in answering His
call to serve. I was called to serve His children, but they served me. My heart,
my faith won't ever be quite the same. Experiencing Jesus and the miracles
through a child's eyes will change your life forever. I don't think I ever
totally understood what was being asked of me until I just dived in, head first,
and that was all it took. Life doesn't stand still for any of us. Everything is
in constant motion. People come and go, and the ones that remain, change.
Strategies change. Likes and dislikes change. Priorities change. Even what's old
and new change. Remember my sweel little Butterbean and his wonderful preschool?
Well, that preschool is at a pretty amazing church, and one day, HE decided that
HE wanted to go to church there and that's exactly what he told his momma. So,
they did. One beautiful moment led to another. Now, she teaches at the
preschool. Both she and the Butterbean were baptized at the church and
officially joined (because at 4, he wanted to)! Because of them, at the ripe
young age of 69, I ventured in to this pretty amazing Southern Baptist church
one Sunday morning and found a spiritual peace that I didn't know how much
really needed. But I also found revival. Last year, after prayerful
consideration, I made the decision to join. I recommited my faith and acceptance
of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour and I was baptized by immersion. (I had
been baptized by "sprinkling" as an infant). The difference this time...it was
my decision. It was my full profession of faith. For that very quick moment in
time, I remember holding my nose closed, my arms crossed over my chest and
offering my testimony that Jesus IS Lord...the warmth of the water quickly
rushed over my head and shoulders and I rose up from the water, feeling blessed,
feeling new, feeling ALIVE, feeling loved beyond anything I can explain. It was
a power that no words can describe. Hallelujah. So on that Sunday morning, way
back in the 90's, I got the call, and I tried to ignore it. I made excuses. God
knew. He patiently (and occasionally, impatiently) just kept calling and leading
me where He wanted me, needed me. I figured it out. I answered that call. I'm
blessed beyond measure that I did. No, life doesn't stand still. I wouldn't want
it to. The ride isn't always easy. Sometimes, it's downright scary. It's sad.
But every moment of it is a gift from God. You have to trust. You have to have
faith, and yes, it will be tested. When you're standing on the mountain top,
will you be afraid? Will you know? What will you see? What will you feel? Life
doesn't stand still, and sometimes, you need to answer the call...before it's
too late. Love y'all K
