Just sent my amazing 19 year old son off to a weekend anime convention with his friends. Basically, he was dressed as a box with camo legs. I'm learning! Thanks to one of his buddies, I now know that he is "cos-playing" as a character named Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid game series. You learn these important bits of information after awhile. Off he went, head to toe camo, eye patch and his card board box with the peephole cut in the side. That's my kid in that box! More on this later in the story.
I write because I enjoy it and I think that everyone has moments from their life that parallel with others. I normally would not write with such specific detail, but in this case, it is necessary. So today, I'm writing this to honor my son and it has been done at his request because he wants me to tell his story, all of it. So, here goes.
It's a little long. Sorry about that, but every word is important, it's from the heart and gospel truth. So, without further adieu, the story of learning to be yourself.
We all love our kids and we all want the best for them in every situation in life. Friends, accomplishments, failures are all a major part of growing up and very necessary parts at that. My vivacious 25 year old daughter gets a choke hold on the world every day and sets out to prove her superiority of every situation that she tackles. As a bright eyed youngster, she did everything from dancing to ice skating to techno to prom to Junior Nature Specialist and all of it with great success. She didn't have one dream, she had and still does have thousands of mountains to climb and battles to win. She makes her mother and daddy very, very proud. Her husband just grins and cheers her own. From her episodes of growing up, I learned tolerance and patience, and that children are going to grow into their own mold in spite of themselves and our efforts to change it. I love her for everything that she is and was and will be. She is without a doubt, one of the most spectacularly gifted young women I have ever had the honor and privilege of knowing.
The other child in my life is my son, my amazing son. In an earlier blog, I gave you a brief history of his beginning. Born at 25 weeks, taken by emergency c-section and weighing a mere 1 and 1/2 pounds, he set out to prove early on that he was a fighter and a winner.
He was always sick when he was little, and we spent a great deal of time watching movies and reading and enjoying cartoons together while he did one of the many required breathing treatments. Shortly after his second birthday, toddler jabbering turned into this release to the world of all of the voices and characters that he had been absorbing for months and we were treated to near perfect re-enactments of Timon and Pumba, Mickey Mouse and countless other children's characters. From barely talking to not just full sentences, but entire scenes from movies and more, we couldn't believe what we were hearing. It was truly amazing. Early on, we knew he had quite a gift.
When kindergarten started, we began to notice a few things that didn't seem right. Tactile defensiveness was a biggy. He was a neat nick in every sense of the word and could not stand to get his hands dirty. The kindergarten teacher thought a good way to approach this was to thrust his tiny hands into green paint to get him started in finger painting. It terrified him. Months later, it was dirt as they planted little seedlings. First grade, second grade, third grade, he had a wonderful parapro that worked with him and he was able to keep up with the class because of her devotion to him. Along the way, doctors told us it was just developmental delay and he would catch up some day. And then came fourth grade. In the fourth grade, the parapro goes away and you are expected to stand on your own. The teacher told us she couldn't work with him unless he was treated for ADD, because in her "trained" eye, he was. I don't like to throw pills at kids their whole life. But her lack of patience took him through the first semester of fourth grade and left him as a shattered little boy.
When you are struggling, it takes you longer to get things done. When you are an impatient teacher, you want everyone on the same path at the same time. This resulted in his being banished to the school library on numerous occasions, which was where he ended up staying for the whole day, no lunch, no bathroom, no recess, no personal communication, basically just abandoned. We didn't find out about this abuse of power and cruel treatment until one day, he did not come out for car riders pickup. I was told he had not been in school that day. You can only imagine how I responded. In a panic, I charged into the school demanding answers and calling his name. About that time, his teacher surfaced, and suddenly remembered his banishment. When they got to the library, it was dark, locked and no sign of my son, until, someone walked around to the reading corner and found him curled up in a ball in the reading barrels, asleep. I am a firm believer in second chances and after the apologies, we gave the school another chance, but it happened again, and this time was the last time.
He was withdrawn and we began "un-schooling" and home schooling! It was great. We had fun, we learned together. We had awesome field trips and we treated every situation as a learning experience. One day, he asked if he could go back to school, and sensing that it might be a good thing, we chose a respected Christian school in our area. Unfortunately, there are still bullies in a Christian school, there are still teachers that don't "get it" and don't understand, there are still principals that make really bad choices for their students. When she shared her opinion that she thought he needed to repeat the 6th grade for a 3rd time, we left. Oh, the grades were okay, but socially, he needed more time. I agree, but you don't destroy a child's confidence academically and hold them back because they have a tough time making friends and they are bullied.
Another fresh start and at the age of 12, we had a lot of questions answered when he was diagnosed with Autism. It explained a lot of the problems that had plagued him from kindergarten up. When we changed our approach, we began to see light bulbs going off and a kid that was learning. It was so cool.
Instead of that 3rd round of 6th grade, we began home schooling again. It was an awesome experience for awhile, but as the courses became more difficult, I began to realize that we needed more, and so did he. I wasn't totally surprised when half way through 9th grade year, he came to us and announced that he wanted to go back to school. My heart sank, but he was lonely and depressed because he didn't have friends away from church and he was at a point in his life when friends and friendships are important.
We stalled as long as we could, but by the end of July, he pushed us more and more to enroll him in regular school. All the "bad" things that happened in this child's school career came rushing back and I was in panic, protect my cub mode. I fought it, and after a lot of soul searching and argumentative prayers with God trying to prove my point, I listened and He let me know that it was time to let this child's wings sprout and let him begin to grow on his own.
This is when miracles began to happen in front of our eyes. It took many weeks of tutoring, testing and interviews, and in November, 2007, he was accepted at the Douglas County Performance Learning Center, a member of Communities in Schools of Georgia, but still a part of the public school system. There were staff members that were hesitant to approve him because he was "different", but they made the choice and he started classes in January of 2008. In the beginning, it didn't seem to be any different than the other school situations, or at least on the surface. The director, her staff, and eventually, the kids all began to gradually rally around this child and accept him for being him. Two years and 5 months later, this once timid child, had conquered an entire 4 year high school career and 1 year of tech college where he earned two diplomas! Awesome, to say the very least!
PLC kids are required to do a Senior Project. It is not easy and comparably, time and research standards would be like that for a college project or thesis. This young man with the multitude of cartoon characters in his head and his wonderful ability to mimic decided that he was going to do his project on Voice Acting. That is all he has ever wanted to do. Research, papers, interviews, mentoring and a fantastic Power Point presentation led him to the 20th of May and he left them on their feet, applauding and laughing. It was one of the best and most creative the panel had seen. When the projects ended that day, there was a special ritual for all of the graduating seniors, and that was each one taking their moment in the spotlight to "ring the bell". This is such a neat tradition. Every student, every teacher, everyone at that school comes out to the lobby and one by one, these kids take their turn. That bell symbolizes triumph, it symbolizes accomplishment and it stands for pride. They called his name and he rang that bell and woohooed and celebrated. Each of those kids got their own applause and cheers. I stood in the background with tears running down my cheeks. I had just witnessed a full blown miracle. That tiny baby that we adopted when he was only 10 weeks old, that tiny little guy that fought to survive in one way or another, his whole entire life, had just staked his claim on the world. He grew stronger from the bullying, as much as it hurt, he grew more confident from the failures turned successes, and somewhere in the middle of all of that, he grew up into one incredible young man with a bright, bright future.
Thus was the beginning of two weeks of red eyes for mom, honors and pats on the back for the boy, but the one honor that means the most to all of us is what happened at the PLC banquet honoring 2010 Spring graduates. He went not expecting anything and as the evening went on, we watched his pride grow, he sat a little taller and never stopped smiling and this is why. One of the teachers stepped up to the mic and began talking about one student in particular that stood out among the others and they wanted to honor him as the outstanding student in the school. We had no idea and neither did our son, that this person was him until the teacher talked about the goggles that he wore everyday in school, which earned him the nickname, Rocky, and leaving class everyday as Stewie from Family Guy. We knew then who this outstanding student was. He spoke of his diligence and work ethic, his creativeness, that fact that he laughed at his (the teacher's) really bad jokes. And then he made me cry, because he said in the 2+ years that this young man was a student at PLC, he learned to not be afraid to be who he was, he had learned and he had grown, but what he was leaving them with was probably a greater gift and greater knowledge than any of the teachers could have conveyed through their lessons. Our son, our amazing son left everyone with the gift of knowing that it is okay to just be yourself, no matter who you are, or how much ridicule you take. It's okay to just be you! They felt that the lesson that they had learned from my son was one of the greatest gifts that could have been shared.
Over the next two weeks, there were more plaques, honors and graduations. He was even asked to do his "Senior Project" for a state wide teacher's and administrator's conference this past week. He was one of 6 chosen for this honor which brings us pretty much up to date, but here is the end of this chapter...
The 2010 Communities in Schools PLC Training and Leadership conference this past week was highlighted by the presentations of the 6 chosen students from all over the state of Georgia. My son, is Jim Carey, Robin Williams, Stewie Griffin, Homer, the Three Stooges, all wrapped up into one tidy package. Since he was little, he has dreamed of one career and one career only and that is voice acting. So, three rounds of presentation of his Power Point were concluded with an open panel discussion with these 6 kids whose lives had been changed forever by their PLC, or should I say 5 kids talking about normal career paths, and the bevy of other characters that are my son, talking about acting and comedy. My first reaction was to hide under the table. I kept trying to make eye contact with him to tell him NO! His school's director was at the table with me and we both knew when we saw the glazed over Jim Carey-ish expression, the mischievous smile and the rolling eyes, that we were in trouble! Every question was answered as one of his many characters, he literally took command of the whole panel, but you probably figured that out by now. He left them laughing, amazed and entertained. He was himself doing what he does best.
As we were leaving, one of the attendees walked up, shook his hand, gave him a hug and simply said, "baby don't ever change who you are, because you are something special!"
I've told you his story at his request. I've cried a little while I typed. We know that there are other kids out there like him, and there are other kids out there that can have this same success story. I guess that's where this story ends for now or at least this chapter, and now you know why I said with great pride as I saw my son leave the house this morning, "That's my kid in that box!" I'm so proud of him! Don't ever lose sight of who you are and always be yourself.....
Love you son,
Mom
and to the rest you,
God bless,
Katydid
by the way, don't be surprised if you see his name in the credits of a tv show or movie some day. He's got a good hold on the world and he's gonna take it by storm! Rob Andrews, remember that name because you are going to be seeing a lot of it in the future!
